d'ya ever?

have you ever waken up in the morning and just had a feeling...not necessarily a good one, or even a bad one...just a feeling. i wake up with that feeling all the time, that someting is maybe just a little, off. like maybe i'll be a little puffier than normal, or maybe i will just want to cry, or maybe i want to eat my weight in chocolate. today was one of those days when eerything felt a little off kilter to me. i felt as if maybe nothing was at all right, maybe the world was a little off...no particular reason why. i had a good day, not too fat, not too tired, the world didnt explode, i didnt even eat any chocolate....well maybe a chocolate chip cookie from subway, but it was burned so it doesnt count ;). so what is the problem? no ideas...just felt like telling that to everyone.
but thats not all folks....
i want to scream, i want to shout i want to yell at the top of my lungs that i am as confused as a lost puppy. i have no idea what is going on with my life and i feel like i have no control of anything, nothing!!!! not my body, not my mind and certainly not my heart...what the hell? i am torn to peices and i feel like i have a brick on my chest sometimes...i am just overwhelmed!!! i do everything, and sometimes it gets to me a little. the thought of school stresses me out...a lot! i am pumped about it, really but right when i think i have a good grasp on the situation there is something else getting thrown at me about how difficult its gonna be...and how long i am going to be there..and "wont you miss me?" and i just cant take it anymore....i mean yeah i will miss all of my friends yeah...but i need out!!! why does nobody get that? i need to breath i need to grow. i need to see for myself that i am not a failure at life that i can make it on my own. that if i want something bad enough i can make it happen. sometimes i doubt myself, everyone does!! but i am not going to be made to feel guilty about pursuing my dreams, even if they interfere with my present situation. love is limited. i believe that people fall out of love, that eventually you will get your heart broken and that my education is really the only thing i can control...i can set my mind to it and MAKE IT WORK. I can become who i want to be and i can absorb everything like a sponge, if i get a low grade i can make it better. but if i get my heart broken, i cant fix it...i cant make it better. i may not be able to make a relationship work...but i am in charge of my destiny...