deleting myspace

i deleted my myspace because it was getting hacked into...it made me sad... :(
but yeah.... im sorry fluffy!!! ill miss our talks comment to comment...and this wont let me acess your blog for some reason...


anyway...has anyone ever felt like they were totally and utterly losing a battle...with themselves? i do... i feel like it doesnt matter how hard i try i might lose this, and it makes me sad, because i kinda like what i am doing. I think maybe I should say what my problem is exactly, but i cant...not on here. I think the best way to put it is that I do have a problem, I thought I had it under control for a while...but then last night I realized I didnt.
the thing about it is, Im okay with it. I want to stop, i know its disgusting, and its painful, but i like the results, and i like controlling the situation. sometimes people have ugly secrets, mine is that I wanted this...

so yeah work...

i hate work
i mean really.
i am sitting at work where my soul purpose is to make sure nobody gets past me without showing a damn id...yeah well i hate it
my butt hurts from sitting here, and kids are rude...
also, the smell of beer on the lips of the billions of fuckin drunk kids is killing me! i can smell them coming like a mile away...and its absolutely vomitotious....lol.
plus, people seem to think it is in fact my job to let them into the building because they are innebrated and forgot their keys/left them with their girl or boy of the hour/ lost them in their drunken stupidity... but really my job is to let them just stay out in the cold and shiver their drunk smelly asses off...
but out of the kindness of my heart, i decide to let them in...only to be told in a rather sarcastic manner that they were sorry for making me get off of my butt to do my job. well fuck them! im the only thing between them and some crazy ass getting into the building and killing them...but do they care? no! cuz they are a bunch of spoiled ass brats whose mommy and daddy are financing their own personal beerfest...
you can tell the kids who have some form of scholarship or loan and then there are the others, granted their may be a few exceptions, but odds are if their parents can afford to send them to a more expensive school than OSU, w/out any sort of loan or anything, then they are the ones rolling in drunk and crazy and smelly and making me nauseous and inevitably themselves!!!
why go out and get fucking shit-faced, if the next morning you are gonna throw it all up anyway...?
well yeah...end of rant i guess...lol.