nothing to say except that i am angry as a wet hornet! my stomach hurts...i think i have food poisoning and that i will soon die. if anyone of you cared about my soon demise you would boycott the Golden Corrall for a while...or at least unitl you are hungry again, becuz i feel like shit and i know that as my dear and beloved readers you know exactly how i feel and you would want to help me right? so when it comes to the Golden Corrall...or as the bane of my existence as i owuld like to refer to it...just say no!!!
much ♥
Stephanie
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
pouring out my heart...
well, to my avid reader(s), today will be a day of total truth for me. i feel the need to just get a lot of things off of my back.
i love someone....dont know why cant explain how it happened, but ya know what can ya do? unfortunately, this warps my entire plan of how i should be going about my life. i want so much to just be able to drop it all and say: "hey, i am going to college" and leave him behind and not care about what happens...but i cant and i know that now. going to college has been the plan for many years and i am soo excied to go...but a part of me will miss him. i cant help but t think that he will cheat on me or something while i am not here. and the fact that i care would be my problem and main concern! there are so many emotions in me that i just want to let out right now. i want to scream and i want to cry and i want to laugh, and i cant do any of them. i cant sit here and tell you that its okay, that i will be fine when i am away at college. i am a little scared, but isnt everyone? i mean i am doing exactly what i set out to do. i wanted to get away from everyone here, everyone who hurt me. i wanted to get away from all the bad memories and make good ones...i never counted on making memories right before i left. i was virtually alone for the better part of four years...there was no reason to think it would change...and then it did. something else came into my life...i suddenly have an amazing best friend and i get this amazing guy who loves me with all of his heart, and fluffly who totally gets me for me. and i am leaving it. i want to say that we will all be friends still anyway, but is it really possible? i hope so. i dont think i can handle the thought of losing everything.
i also wanted to tell you that as of recently i have took up the hobby of trying to find my precious and most beloved notebook. i stopped writing in it a year ago or so, and hid it...and now i have no idea where in the hell i put it? that journal contains almost all of my deepest and most passionate thoughts and it means the world to me and i would give anything to find it...
i love someone....dont know why cant explain how it happened, but ya know what can ya do? unfortunately, this warps my entire plan of how i should be going about my life. i want so much to just be able to drop it all and say: "hey, i am going to college" and leave him behind and not care about what happens...but i cant and i know that now. going to college has been the plan for many years and i am soo excied to go...but a part of me will miss him. i cant help but t think that he will cheat on me or something while i am not here. and the fact that i care would be my problem and main concern! there are so many emotions in me that i just want to let out right now. i want to scream and i want to cry and i want to laugh, and i cant do any of them. i cant sit here and tell you that its okay, that i will be fine when i am away at college. i am a little scared, but isnt everyone? i mean i am doing exactly what i set out to do. i wanted to get away from everyone here, everyone who hurt me. i wanted to get away from all the bad memories and make good ones...i never counted on making memories right before i left. i was virtually alone for the better part of four years...there was no reason to think it would change...and then it did. something else came into my life...i suddenly have an amazing best friend and i get this amazing guy who loves me with all of his heart, and fluffly who totally gets me for me. and i am leaving it. i want to say that we will all be friends still anyway, but is it really possible? i hope so. i dont think i can handle the thought of losing everything.
i also wanted to tell you that as of recently i have took up the hobby of trying to find my precious and most beloved notebook. i stopped writing in it a year ago or so, and hid it...and now i have no idea where in the hell i put it? that journal contains almost all of my deepest and most passionate thoughts and it means the world to me and i would give anything to find it...
Thursday, July 20, 2006
nothing much to say
i have to leave for work in approximaely seven minutes so i am making this short.
i had a dream last night, i find it slightly amusing, so i guess i could tell all of my readers about it...okay well the 2 that i know of.
so i dreamt that i was on my way to prom, well to get my hair done for it. and a bunch of people came over to my house they wanted to get theirs done too so we were all going together...it was really random. well we stopped off at this carnival and amazingly enough, something stupid happened!!!! one of the guys, who i do know who it was but im not telling, picked me up and i know he was being playful, but i got slammed into an electric line...i am telling you talk about wild!!! besides the fact that i was being electrocuted, i could only think about missing my hair appointment!!!! lol...true reflection of life i guess...and p.s. getting electrocuted hurts like a mother fucker, and whats worse is they all felt guilty about it so they stayed with me and we had to watch the davinci code!!! which was a really sucky movie...i didnt enjoy it at all.
LOL
well g2g, i totally bonged like 2 smirnoffs last night and my head hurts like a mother fucker, so i want to take ibuprofen before i have to go!!!
much love!!!!
i had a dream last night, i find it slightly amusing, so i guess i could tell all of my readers about it...okay well the 2 that i know of.
so i dreamt that i was on my way to prom, well to get my hair done for it. and a bunch of people came over to my house they wanted to get theirs done too so we were all going together...it was really random. well we stopped off at this carnival and amazingly enough, something stupid happened!!!! one of the guys, who i do know who it was but im not telling, picked me up and i know he was being playful, but i got slammed into an electric line...i am telling you talk about wild!!! besides the fact that i was being electrocuted, i could only think about missing my hair appointment!!!! lol...true reflection of life i guess...and p.s. getting electrocuted hurts like a mother fucker, and whats worse is they all felt guilty about it so they stayed with me and we had to watch the davinci code!!! which was a really sucky movie...i didnt enjoy it at all.
LOL
well g2g, i totally bonged like 2 smirnoffs last night and my head hurts like a mother fucker, so i want to take ibuprofen before i have to go!!!
much love!!!!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
gee-gats!!!
what the fuck am i supposed to say here!!!??? i have no fuckin idea of what in the hell to say about my life at the moment i meant really....
so i go over to dustin's house, i can say his name n ow becuz i know he reads this...even though he didnt ask!!!
i went over there like last week, and i was just going to go, explain i felt nothing for him, and walk out...which is what should have happened that would be the fucking plan!!!! why can i ever just follow through with the plan...long story short- i left feeling even more confused than when i got there in the first place!! what the fuck people!? i had a strange urge to run my car into a tree...if only to see what the end result would be!! it wasnt like suicide or anything...i just wanted to see if the car could handle a head on collision with the tree...lol!!! but obviously i didnt do that!
anyways....
i am so brain-fucked right now that i have no idea what to do with myself....
sometimes i feel like i luv this guy, and considering hes a really great guy, well usually, then that'd be fine. i feel like maybe i could just let myself be happy and go with it...and then other times i just cant let myself fall for him. i would never really be able to love him with my whole heart becuz i dont really have it all there anymore. and thats okay i have no regrets of any previous relationship...i only have appy memories...i think for me it just ended so swiftly that i was caught off guard and it tore my soul out. there are just some things i can not get back and that part of my heart was his...and he tore it out and stomped on it in front of me.
what i am trying to say is that i am a confused little girl who doesnt know what in the hell she wants!!!!
GEE GATS!!!
so i go over to dustin's house, i can say his name n ow becuz i know he reads this...even though he didnt ask!!!
i went over there like last week, and i was just going to go, explain i felt nothing for him, and walk out...which is what should have happened that would be the fucking plan!!!! why can i ever just follow through with the plan...long story short- i left feeling even more confused than when i got there in the first place!! what the fuck people!? i had a strange urge to run my car into a tree...if only to see what the end result would be!! it wasnt like suicide or anything...i just wanted to see if the car could handle a head on collision with the tree...lol!!! but obviously i didnt do that!
anyways....
i am so brain-fucked right now that i have no idea what to do with myself....
sometimes i feel like i luv this guy, and considering hes a really great guy, well usually, then that'd be fine. i feel like maybe i could just let myself be happy and go with it...and then other times i just cant let myself fall for him. i would never really be able to love him with my whole heart becuz i dont really have it all there anymore. and thats okay i have no regrets of any previous relationship...i only have appy memories...i think for me it just ended so swiftly that i was caught off guard and it tore my soul out. there are just some things i can not get back and that part of my heart was his...and he tore it out and stomped on it in front of me.
what i am trying to say is that i am a confused little girl who doesnt know what in the hell she wants!!!!
GEE GATS!!!
Saturday, July 08, 2006
lost...a question?
so, lets see....today i am going to write to you about something completely private....ummm no scratch that, i wont.
instead i will pose to you a question about something...
how do you get out of a relationship that you dont want to be in...i meant if it is only physical for one of us (thats me) and the other is totally in love (thats him) is it really fair?
i mean i have tried to explain that i just dont feel it in my sould, when i kiss him its only in my lips that it is felt!!!!
much help please!!!
instead i will pose to you a question about something...
how do you get out of a relationship that you dont want to be in...i meant if it is only physical for one of us (thats me) and the other is totally in love (thats him) is it really fair?
i mean i have tried to explain that i just dont feel it in my sould, when i kiss him its only in my lips that it is felt!!!!
much help please!!!
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