gee-gats!!!

what the fuck am i supposed to say here!!!??? i have no fuckin idea of what in the hell to say about my life at the moment i meant really....
so i go over to dustin's house, i can say his name n ow becuz i know he reads this...even though he didnt ask!!!
i went over there like last week, and i was just going to go, explain i felt nothing for him, and walk out...which is what should have happened that would be the fucking plan!!!! why can i ever just follow through with the plan...long story short- i left feeling even more confused than when i got there in the first place!! what the fuck people!? i had a strange urge to run my car into a tree...if only to see what the end result would be!! it wasnt like suicide or anything...i just wanted to see if the car could handle a head on collision with the tree...lol!!! but obviously i didnt do that!
anyways....
i am so brain-fucked right now that i have no idea what to do with myself....
sometimes i feel like i luv this guy, and considering hes a really great guy, well usually, then that'd be fine. i feel like maybe i could just let myself be happy and go with it...and then other times i just cant let myself fall for him. i would never really be able to love him with my whole heart becuz i dont really have it all there anymore. and thats okay i have no regrets of any previous relationship...i only have appy memories...i think for me it just ended so swiftly that i was caught off guard and it tore my soul out. there are just some things i can not get back and that part of my heart was his...and he tore it out and stomped on it in front of me.
what i am trying to say is that i am a confused little girl who doesnt know what in the hell she wants!!!!
GEE GATS!!!