thought process

my thoughts deafen me
i cant even hear them
no real words
nothing distinguishable
but they crush my brain
my head imploding in on me
as the thoughts, so many, come crashing down
things fly
as i throw them...rage fills me
it hurts, the anger has no real purpose
i have no knowledge of where it came from
its just there...
it grinds in my chest
and sadness
i am alone in this big place
i can feel it in my finger tips...
i can feel the cold and think of when they were warm,
when someone was holding them
now those moments are few
i lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling
will i ever accomplish the high goals i set for myself?
and my toes are cold, longing for someone to wrap my legs around
they long to wrap around him...
and i still sit there...
i am alone, missing my mom
hungry for food that isnt bad..
for my mom to hold me in her bed
under the warm blankets...
security, she would tell me it will all be alright.
i miss my family...
my back quickly becomes sore so i move on to my bed
my homework is done, what to do
my distraction from my thoughts are gone...
and i am back to being deafened.