why?

why is it that i care so much about the strange goings on of my surroundings? I do though...I care about so many things, even if they arent in my surroundings...things that are far away from me, even not associated with me and i care. I care that my boyfriend, who is like 100 miles from me is out getting plastered somewhere...which is fine, he can do what he wants, i care because i dont want him to die, and i care because i am not out doing the same thing. does that make me jealous? I dont think so...because it isnt jealousy i feel, its concern. why do i care that i am not getting drunk, i should be happy i am not out there putting myself in harm's way. but for some reason i care...
I care that maybe I am not ever going to be able to just let myself be free...I want to be free, i want too so bad...
And today Dustin calls me and he thinks that i am "growing away from him" or some shit like that, i am growing...but i still love him. Cant I grow as an individual without growing apart from everyone? I want to learn and grow as a person and i want so many things and i feel guilty for wanting these things.
I care about the thought that i may be going to Hell one day...the thought really scares me, that maybe my wanting these things when there are other people in the world who want and dont receive or who dont even dare to dream of these thing, is evil. sometimes i think that my dream of being a lawyer is unnrealistic and maybe unnachievable for me. I tell people all the time that it doesnt matter where you come from it is still possible to achieve your dream...that everyone in this life is destined for something...and sometimes i doubt it even myself.